Underwear

"Just so you know, I'm not the underwear fairy. I'm just carrying underwear on my magic wand."

~ Kaley

Grinchy

"Keira, is an eel charming?"

~ Kaley

Drive By

Kaley: (singing) "Oh, I swear to you, I'll be there for you, this is not a drive by-y-y-y-y, just a shy guy, looking for a to fry, just a bag of home fries, I-I-I-I-I love..."

Keira: "I thought it was, 'just a bag of two pies.'"

Blind

"Would a blind dog need a seeing eye person?"

~ Kaley

Wendy's

"Mommy, if I get a frosty and nuggets and mix it together I'll have a fugget."

~ Kaley

Work

"Mommy, it's hard work being a little sister. I have to go through all this climbing and cuteness."

~ Kaley

Bums

Kaley: "Ew, Mommy's in her underwear!"
Me: "Well, considering how you girls run around the house completely naked half the time, I didn't think it was a big deal."
Kaley: "We have smaller bums."

What??

"Mommy, I got a tiny drop of pee pee in my eye."

~ Kaley

Astute

"Mommy, how come people say, 'no offense,' then they say something really mean?"

~ Keira

Groomer

Kaley: "Mommy, what are they building there?"

Me: "It's going to be a Wawa."

Kaley: "Huh?"

Me: (laughing) "It's kind of like a 7-11 or a Race Trac."

Kaley: "How do you know it's a Wawa?"

Me: "I've heard from a few people."

Kaley: "Isn't that a groomer?"

Me: "Wawa? No, it's a gas station."

Kaley: "I mean because you heard it from other people."

Me: "Oh, you mean a RUMOR!"

Reverse Psychology

"Mommy, I think I know how to make Daddy stop sleeping in the living room. We'll just tell him that the living room is his bedroom, then he will only want to sleep in the bedroom because he'll think it's the living room. Don't you think that's brilliant?"

~ Kaley

Genre: Poetry

I'm sick today, so Keira made me a card. It says:

To: Mommy
From: Keira

A mommy who works all day deserves a rest
Because she is the very best
And I wrote this letter
So I hope you feel better!

Genre: Poetry

And then I heard myself say...

"Kaley, how did you get toothpaste in your armpit?"

Flies

Kaley: "Mommy, how come flies have so many eyeballs?"

Me: "Maybe so they can see things really well."

Kaley: "Well, when it's class picture time they better make sure all of their eyes are facing forward."

Awesomeness

"Mom, if you ever run out of awesomeness, just let me know. I have a fountain of awesomeness."

Kaley

Ambrosia

"Mommy, thanks for putting mandarin oranges in the ambrosia. I could tell because they're orange and they're mandarin."

Kaley

Challenge

Kaley: "Mommy, is fixing little girls' hair fun?"

Me: "Usually. When they sit still it is."

Kaley: "But Mommy, when we move it's a challenge, and I know how you like a challenge."

Wii

"Mommy, I think there is something wrong with the Wii. Every time we're on the red team, the blue team wins. Every time we're on the blue team, the red team wins."

~ Kaley

Old

"Keira, this book says you're only old once. But if you turn old, then you're old for the rest of your life. You're actually old for way longer than you're young."

~ Kaley

Stinky

"Daddy, why do you have to do something so stinky? You should probably be an artist. Paint doesn't stink."

~ Kaley

Olympics

"Holy cow, she is like an elastic band."

~ Keira, while watching the women's olympic floor routines

Dating

"Are you trying to date my sister? What are you trying to do? Because I love my sister, and I don't want her getting hurt. If you want to date my sister, you better never hurt her."

~ Kaley, playing make believe with Keira and all the animals.

I think Keira's potential suitors may be as afraid of Kaley as they will be of her dad.

Curls

"Mommy, these curls make me look like I'm on a 50s TV show."

~ Keira

Nap

"Mommy, I'm trying to take a Fourth of July nap, but Kaley keeps waking me Fourth of July up."

~ Keira

Quack

"Hey, Mommy, look! White ducks! I wonder if their last name is Quack."

Unicorn

"Mommy, how would you feel about if Keira and me and Keira's animals and my animals all got together and built our own robot unicorn? It's a robot, but it's real, and you can even pet it. I mean, if we build it, will you think it's cool? Will you pet it? Can I ride it in my room? Well, it's invisible, so here are some invisible eyes so you can see it. Just put them on and you'll see - wait, where did it go? Oh, there it is. Hey, is it OK if I bring Selena Gomez over? She wants to make her own unicorn. Mine is just like the one on Imagination Movers because I love that show."

Silly

The girls got their Highlights magazines today, and Kaley was picking out all of the silly things in a beach picture. After finding monkeys, snowmen, and other out-of-place items, she started giggling loudly.

"Mommy, this is silly. This guy is wearing a... what's this silly thing he's wearing?"

"That's a parka," I replied.

She sent a quizzical look back at the page and then resumed her giggling. Apparently winter coats are hilarious to Florida girls.

Lincoln

Kaley: "Keira, did you know that President Lincoln's middle name was Ham?"

Keira: "I don't think so."

Kaley: "Yes, it was. Abra Ham Lincoln."

Virgin Islands

"No, Kaley, it's bird-gen islands. Because the birds go there. Duh."

~ Keira

Coconut Bra

Said Keira of her Hawaiian coconut bra, "It looks like my nipples are wearing sunglasses."

BVI

Me: "Kaley, in about a month, I will be in the British Virgin Islands."

Kaley: "Is that where the leprechauns live?"

Me: "No, I think you're thinking of Ireland."

Kaley: "But Mommy, how are you going to talk to anyone there when you don't speak British?"

Moth

Kaley: "Mommy, if we were to kill that moth, its family would be on the news."
Me: "Why is that?"
Kaley: "Because when somebody dies, their family is usually on the news."

Love

Me: "Do you know how much I love you?"
Kaley: "Four hundred million sixty-eight."
Me: "No, eight hundred million sixty-five."
Kaley: "Well, I got the sixty right. I was close."

Height

I had to take Kaley to the doctor today, and I was just relaying the information to Randy. He asked me, "Did they say how tall she is?"

Kaley quickly set her hand on top of her head and said, "I'm this tall."

Training Her Well

Kaley: "Mommy, you don't like the Patriots, do you?"

Me: "No, not even a little bit. That's why I'm not watching the Super Bowl this year. Because the Patriots and the Giants are my two least favorite teams."

Kaley: "What does 'least favorite' mean?"

Me: "It means I don't like them at all. It's the opposite of favorite."

Kaley: "What's the Giants?"

Me: "New York."

Kaley: "Ew."

Me: "Exactly."

Kaley: "What's the Patriots?"

Me: "Boston."

Kaley: "Ew."

Me: "Exactly. I love you, child."

Haircut

Kaley: "Daddy, you got a haircut!"
Randy: "I got 'em all cut."
Me: *groan*
Kaley: "What's a mall cut?"