Gingerbread House

Appetite

I was in the shower this morning and heard a knock at the door. When I answered, Keira opened the door and stood there next to Kaley. Keira looked mildly confused, and Kaley looked oddly innocent.

Keira: "Mommy, Kaley wants to eat the ornaments."

Me: "What?"

Keira: "She wants to eat the ornaments."

Me: "Um, Kaley, we don't eat ornaments."

Keira: (to Kaley) "See?"

Kaley: "Awwww..."

Correction

"Mommy, it's not Feliz Lollipop. It's Feliz La-Dee-Da."

~ Keira

Merry Christmas

"Feliz Lollipop, Feliz Lollipop..."

~ Kaley

Sweet

"I picked you to be my mommy because I knew you were going to be the snuggliest."

~ Keira

Who, me??

Keira: "I didn't bite her. I just bit her thumb."

Sticky

Kaley: "Mommy, I have something sticky on my thumb and I have to get it off."

Me: "You do? Where did it come from?"

Kaley: "My nose. Here you go."

Labadoo

I love when they make up words!

Me: "Kaley, what are you drawing?"

Kaley: "A labadoo."

Me: "A what?"

Kaley: "A labadoo."

Me: "What's a labadoo?"

Kaley: "It's this."

J C Penney

Keira's booster seat has a compartment that slides out of the side with sections for a drink and a snack. I handed her a drink today, and she put it in the drink spot.

"Mommy, this other spot would be good for Cheez-Its or raisins."

"Yes, it would," I agreed.

She quickly replied, "Especially on really long trips. Like going to St. Louis. Or to J C Penney."

Comedienne

A few minutes ago, the girls woke up from their naps and climbed onto the couch to snuggle with their daddy and watch Tom & Jerry. Randy asked Keira to throw him the remote, which she did.

Randy: "Good throw!"

Keira: "Thank you. I'm here all week."

Kid Quote

Keira: "Uncle Rob, did you know you have hair on your back?"

This laugh made my day!

My mother-in-law and I were sitting on the couch this afternoon when a strange creature emerged from the hallway. The creature moved so quickly that it wasn't until after it disappeared from view that its image completely assembled itself in our minds. It was Kaley. Her left hand was holding the bottom of her dress up against her chest. Her right was lifted above her head and waving her potty seat. Her abnormal gait seemed to be caused by the fact that her tinkerbell panties were around her ankles as she ran at top speed while repeatedly yelling, "I'm gonna use your potty instead, Mommy!"

Oh, the sights and sounds of potty training!

STOP!

Kaley has recently become very aware of traffic laws. I jokingly call her Officer Kaley, but it's barely a joke. Any time she sees a red light, she screams, "RED LIGHT!!" and expects me to stop immediately. Not at the intersection, but as soon as the red light is in view.

Today we were out running errands, and I came to an intersection at which I needed to make a right turn... on a red light. I stopped first, looked carefully, even waited longer than usual, but as soon as the car started moving she began to scream.

"Mommy, the light is red! Stop! Stop!"

I began explaining that making a right turn on red is perfectly acceptable as long as the car comes to a complete stop first and no one else has the right of way.

She replied, "Mommy, I have my mad eyebrows on now."

Rewards

Kaley is potty training, and she's starting to do pretty well. As incentive, I give her a jelly bean every time she makes a successful deposit.

Today, Memere came over to visit, and Kaley couldn't wait to tell her about her training success. She said, "Mem, every time I go pee pee on the potty I get a jelly bean stuck in my teeth."

Birthday Cake

Keira: "Mommy, why didn't we have cake on your birthday?"

Me: "I'm not much of a cake person. I prefer pie."

Keira: "I like cake OK, it's just that it doesn't taste the same as tacos."

Knock Knock

Keira: "Knock knock."

Kaley: "Sorry, I'm not home."

Overheard During Play-Doh Time

Keira: "Mom, look what I made."

Me: "Just a second."

Keira: "Well, can you look at it while you do that?"

Me: "No, just give me a second to finish this."

Keira: "But you can use the eyes in the back of your head."

Overheard During Diaper Change

Me: "My goodness!"

Kaley: "Mine, too."

Nothing beats a fort.

Playing School

Keira is gearing up for school. Every chance she gets, she teaches Kaley something new.

This afternoon she decided to teach Kaley about weather. On her magnetic "doodle pad," she drew a sun, some rain, some snow, and a cloud. As she pointed to each item, she named and described it in a kind but authoritative manner, pausing briefly each time Kaley interrupted her. Demonstrating great patience, she repeatedly reminded Kaley to silently hold up her hand and wait to be called upon. Finally, Kaley complied, silently holding up her hand and waiting.

Keira: "Yes, Kaley?"

(silence)

Keira: "Go ahead, Kaley."

(silence)

Keira: "Kaley, tell me your question."

Kaley: "I'm question."

Potty Training

My mom was babysitting my 3-year-old cousin Nathaniel the other day when he said to her, "I'm a good boy. Good boys go pee pee and poo poo on the potty. NOT in mommy's plants."

Rock Star

Keira: (yelling) "I'M A ROCK STAR! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!"

   (pause)

   (quietly) "I mean, if you'd like to rock..."

Dairy Queen

In the car on the way to Sports Authority:

Keira: "Which way is Dairy Queen?"
Me: "It's behind us."
Kaley : "Then let's go behind us to get to there!"

Sitting at the table at Dairy Queen:

Randy: "OK, we're almost done. Let's finish up."

Kaley: (sternly trying to figure out how to keep him from confiscating her uneaten ice cream) "Turn your head around, Daddy."

When I decided I was done with my ice cream, I set my cup on the other side of the table next to Randy's. When Kaley looked up from her ice cream, she looked at the table in front of me and saw that my cup had vanished. She looked somewhat horrified and said, "Mommy, you're not supposed to put the cup in your mouth."

Anatomy Lesson

Walking through the grocery store today, I was pushing the cart with Kaley riding in the seat. As we turned the corner onto an aisle, she suddenly reached up and grabbed both of my breasts and said loudly, "Mommy, what's that?"

Not wanting to get into an anatomy lesson in the middle of the store, I quickly turned away and tried a diversionary tactic. "That's my shirt. Do you want applesauce?"

She wasn't fooled. "No, mommy, I mean the balls under there."

Leaking

Keira: "Aunt Terri, Kaley leaked pee pee on the couch."

Terri: "Kaley leaked?"

Kaley: "I leaked on the couch."

Terri: "Oh, no! Well, excuse me. I need to use the bathroom before I leak."

Kaley: "Leaking is my job, Aunt Terri."

Excusable

It has been an oddly long day today, and I have one of my usual headaches. The girls wanted to write in their new journals, so I set them up at the table with their books and crayons, then I went to the couch and positioned myself to where I could see them fairly well.

Randy came out of the shower and sat down next to my legs, and I began telling him that Kaley said he was a good crayon sharpener. Chuckling, he laid his head down on my chest and hugged me.

Kaley: "Why is Daddy laying on Mommy?"

Keira: "It's OK, because he is a husband."

Kaley: "Oh."

Opposites

Me: "You girls slept in today, so we're having a late breakfast."

Keira: "Mommy, why can't we sleep out?"

Everywhere A Sign

Keira is learning about street signs. As we drive down the road, she helps the driver navigate by calling out the meaning of each and every sign she sees.

Excerpts of recent trips:

"Watch out for people!"

"Don't drive faster than 25 miles an hour!"

"Look out for deer!"

"Look out for kids playing on a see-saw!"

Monitor

Everyone in my house has been sick for at least a week, now. We have each had the flu at least once. Fluctuating fevers, congestion, body aches, more fevers, more aches, sneezing, more congestion... you get the picture.

Yesterday afternoon, Randy and I were lying next to each other in our bed discussing what to do about dinner. Kaley was starting to stir in her crib (after her nap), and Keira was repeatedly running from their bedroom to ours, sticking her ear up against the baby monitor, and then running back to their room again.

Finally I asked her what she was doing. She said, "I'm listening to Kaley on the thermonitor."

Fever

Thank God I live in modern times when I have the option of an aural thermometer. My squirmy 2-year-old doesn't know any other way to take a temperature, and we like it that way.

Keira and Kaley have both been sick this week. Every few hours I chase them down and stick a beeping device into their ears in an attempt to determine how much longer we'll be dealing with all of this.

Kaley woke up from her nap a few minutes ago, and while I changed her diaper, we discussed the fact that I needed to see if she still had a fever. She reached up to her right ear, pretended to pluck something out, made some sort of "boop" sound, and put the imaginary thing into my hand.

"Here it is, mommy."

"Here is what?"

"My fever. It's out, now."

"Oh, good!"

Got One From Dad...

A minute ago, my daughters were both crawling frantically about the house pretending to be dogs. I heard yapping, bow-wowing, panting, and giggling. Then, I heard Keira say, "Eeeeewww!"

The next thing I heard was my husband saying, "Kaley, stop licking your sister."

Local Resident Held Hostage

PORT RICHEY, FL — This is the transcript of the Wednesday morning 911 call made just minutes before police arrested the assailant.

OPERATOR: 911, what is your emergency?

CALLER: (whispering) Please help me.

OPERATOR: Hello. Is everything OK?

CALLER: She's coming for me. Please! I thought she was going to let me go, but I can see her hand again -

OPERATOR: Whose hand?

CALLER: The girl. The little blonde girl.

OPERATOR: Wait, a little girl? A little girl is doing something to you?

CALLER: OK, I really don't think now is the time to be making fun of me.

OPERATOR: I'm sorry. (chuckling) What is she doing to you?

CALLER: Look, I can hear you laughing. You think this is funny, but I'm serious. She's thrown me all over this place, and I managed to hide myself up on the counter, but I can see her looking at me again, and I don't like the look of this. She has appliances.

OPERATOR: Appliances? Like a refrigerator?

CALLER: Yeah, a refrigerator, smart-___. I've already been in the microwave twice, and now she's got a blender.

OPERATOR: Sir, if this is a joke, there are serious repercussions for abusing the emergency 911 system. I hope -

CALLER: THIS IS NO JOKE! SEND SOMEONE QUICKLY, OR IF I LIVE THROUGH THIS, I SWEAR, I'LL -

OPERATOR: Sir? Sir, are you there?

CALLER: (muffled) Help! (inaudible) ...please, no... (inaudible) ...let go...

Police were immediately dispatched to the caller's location where they found the victim, known only as "green," on the brink of death. Under pressure from law enforcement, the assailant reluctantly released the victim. She showed no remorse, but surrendered without incident.

Authorities say the assailant, whose name is not being released, has a history of violence against playthings. 

One of the witnesses, a stuffed bunny, spoke freely about the happenings within what she referred to as "the chamber."

"I tried to tell everyone before, she's heartless. Heartless, I tell you. She put me in the microwave. And what did they do? Absolutely nothing. She's free to do as she pleases. And now this. I mean, I'm still having nightmares." (click here to see Bunny's story)

Another witness, who calls himself "Daddy's Doggy," recalled one of the assailant's first documented crimes against playthings. "I was in the toybox, minding my own business, then all of a sudden I was being held by one paw and swung violently in circles until it was all I could do to keep my stuffing down. Then, just when I thought she was putting me back, I realized I was in the dishwasher. No telling what would have happened if I hadn't have been rescued when I was. I hate baths, but the dishwasher, that's gotta be sheer torture. And you should have seen what she did to Haylie's bear! Oh, it was awful. I just pray they can rehabilitate her in some way before some poor toy doesn't make it one day." (click here to see Doggy's story) (click here to see Bear's story)

While police have not yet released an official statement, our reporters were able to snap one photo before they were banished from the scene:

Harmonica

Today I got to say, "Keira, put the harmonica down until you're off of the toilet."

Picasso

Kaley's latest spud-based work of art. And she's never even seen Toy Story.

(Note the missing ear)

Super What?

Kaley came running up to me this afternoon with her blanket wrapped around her shoulders. This child, who just recently decided to start talking, yelled to me:

"Mommy! I'm a superhero sheep!"

Self-Imprisonment

This afternoon, I was piddling around getting ready to start dinner when I noticed Kaley had been quiet for just a few seconds too long. This is where I found her (note that she's gnawing on it).

Shoe Train Derailed

Something tells me Kaley wants a toy train. I can't put my finger on it.

Flying Bear

I returned home this evening to find this picture in my camera.

Infective

Keira and Kaley are both a little shy when it comes to men. They're fine with their dad and uncles and such, but men who they don't see often are generally given the "who-are-you-and-why-are-you-in-my-space" look.

This was no exception at Christmas, when my friend Terri came over with her son and boyfriend. Her boyfriend stands 6'6" tall, which is something along the lines of 10+ feet in kid world. Kaley was a little slow to warm up, mostly standing behind my leg repeating, "Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom?" with no actual question to follow. Keira spent the first several minutes hiding behind the end of the couch. Eventually, both girls figured out he was an invited guest and they went about their business.

Today I dressed the girls and put on their awesome new silver shoes that they got from Aunt Terri. Keira reminded me of the day they came over by saying, "Mommy, I love these cool shoes. We'll have to thank Aunt Terri for them again. Well, and John. I was scared of him at first, but then I warmed up."

Smiling, I asked, "Why were you scared of him? You know he is always nice to you."

She thought for a second, then said, "Mom, I'm just not infective of boys."