Halloween Phase I: Preparation
- Trudge through pallets of oddly-shaped pumpkins in a church parking lot in search of one worthy of becoming the family jack-o-lantern
- Explain to children that a 3" wide gourd is a great table decoration, but not qualified to be carved
- Prepare to carve pumpkin, then realize that your pumpkin knife is missing
- Go to store and buy new pumpkin knife
- Begin carving pumpkin, then remember why you had planned last year to delegate this task to your husband this time
- Vow to be a mere spectator at next year's carving
- Convince children that narrowing their costume ideas to 4 apiece is insufficient
- Demonstrate the concept of patience by assuring children several times per day that Halloween is not tonight
- Try in vain to convince children that cutting two holes in a white sheet is an excellent ghost costume
- Once children have gone at least 3 days without changing their minds about their costume of choice, scour the 50% off racks for something vaguely resembling said disguise
- Forget to buy coordinating accessories
- Somehow manipulate a shopping trip for tights and an eyepatch into a reward for good behavior
- Take 3-year-old to a seedy, poorly-stocked seasonal Halloween store in search of a pink eyepatch
- Buy black eyepatch
- Visit discount store to buy handout candy while repeatedly explaining to both children that this candy is for other children
- Eat pizza with family
- Figure out a way to keep a pirate costume from "feeling scratchy"
- Wrestle a 23-month-old into tights and boots
- Try to keep hats on 2 excited children long enough to take a picture or two
- Arm children with pumpkin-shaped buckets and begin walking the neighborhood
- Pick up witch hat and place it back on child's head
- Straighten pirate hat
- Pick up witch hat again
- Show girls how to say "trick-or-treat" and remind them to say thank you
- Pick up witch hat again
- Try to snap candid pictures of kids in the dark, inadvertently triggering a good-natured photo war with brother-in-law
- Pick up witch hat again; give up and sneak hat into wagon
- Put pirate hat in wagon
- Finish collecting candy and come home
- When kids aren't looking, sneak half of their candy into the outgoing candy bowl
- Herd children into the house
- Dump remaining candy onto dining room table and inspect each piece
- Allow each child two pieces of candy
- Discover that getting tights off of hyperactive children is nearly as difficult as getting them on in the first place
- Bathe children and prepare them for bed
- Upload pictures to computer to share with family and friends
- Notice that with only a little manipulation, a discarded witch costume on the dining room floor can make for a great Wizard-Of-Oz-like ending photo:
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