Trick-Or-Treat

Halloween Phase I: Preparation

• Trudge through pallets of oddly-shaped pumpkins in a church parking lot in search of one worthy of becoming the family jack-o-lantern
• Explain to children that a 3" wide gourd is a great table decoration, but not qualified to be carved
• Prepare to carve pumpkin, then realize that your pumpkin knife is missing
• Go to store and buy new pumpkin knife
• Begin carving pumpkin, then remember why you had planned last year to delegate this task to your husband this time
• Vow to be a mere spectator at next year's carving
• Convince children that narrowing their costume ideas to 4 apiece is insufficient
• Demonstrate the concept of patience by assuring children several times per day that Halloween is not tonight
• Try in vain to convince children that cutting two holes in a white sheet is an excellent ghost costume
• Once children have gone at least 3 days without changing their minds about their costume of choice, scour the 50% off racks for something vaguely resembling said disguise
• Forget to buy coordinating accessories
• Somehow manipulate a shopping trip for tights and an eyepatch into a reward for good behavior
• Take 3-year-old to a seedy, poorly-stocked seasonal Halloween store in search of a pink eyepatch
• Buy black eyepatch
• Visit discount store to buy handout candy while repeatedly explaining to both children that this candy is for other children

Halloween Phase II: Execution

• Eat pizza with family
• Figure out a way to keep a pirate costume from "feeling scratchy"
• Wrestle a 23-month-old into tights and boots
• Try to keep hats on 2 excited children long enough to take a picture or two
• Arm children with pumpkin-shaped buckets and begin walking the neighborhood
• Pick up witch hat and place it back on child's head
• Straighten pirate hat
• Pick up witch hat again
• Show girls how to say "trick-or-treat" and remind them to say thank you
• Pick up witch hat again
• Try to snap candid pictures of kids in the dark, inadvertently triggering a good-natured photo war with brother-in-law
• Pick up witch hat again; give up and sneak hat into wagon
• Put pirate hat in wagon
• Finish collecting candy and come home
• When kids aren't looking, sneak half of their candy into the outgoing candy bowl

Halloween Phase III: Aftermath

• Herd children into the house
• Dump remaining candy onto dining room table and inspect each piece
• Allow each child two pieces of candy
• Discover that getting tights off of hyperactive children is nearly as difficult as getting them on in the first place
• Bathe children and prepare them for bed
• Upload pictures to computer to share with family and friends
• Notice that with only a little manipulation, a discarded witch costume on the dining room floor can make for a great Wizard-Of-Oz-like ending photo:

Jack-O-Lanterns

Getting ready for Halloween!

Direct Approach

I was walking through a clothing store today pushing Kaley in a cart. She was starting to get antsy, so I started showing her things on the racks to keep her occupied. Finally, I said, "Kaley, do you want to help mommy find a bra?"

She paused, looked excited, then said, "Yeah."

I started walking toward the lingerie section when she started yelling quite loudly, "Bra! Bra! Where are you? Bra!"

If only it worked that way!

Dinnerables

The following is an excerpt from a conversation that we had in the car today about what was for dinner.

Keira: "Daddy, what's for dinner?"

Daddy: "Probably tacos."

Keira: "I think we should have dinnerables."

Daddy: "You mean lunchables?"

Keira: "No, 'cause it's dinnertime."

Another One

Today I heard this line come out of my mouth as I was straightening up the kitchen:

"Kaley, come get your doggie out of the dishwasher."

Flying Raisins

Kids really do say the darnedest things, and I know I ought to write the stuff down. I also know myself, and I will never keep up with a paper journal. So I decided I should put it all into a new blog. THAT'S something I know I can maintain. My daughters are 3-1/2 (Keira) and 22 months (Kaley), so I need to start now while they still like hanging out with me.

A few months ago Kaley was sitting at the dining room table reading a book when I noticed her holding it oddly close to her face. When I looked more carefully, I noticed her tongue was pressed against the cover. Before I even realized it, I heard the words come out of my mouth as I reached over to put the book back down on the table.

"Don't lick the book."

By the time my brain caught up with my mouth, I couldn't stop giggling. I realized that my kids weren't the only ones who were saying silly things, so I started jotting them down when they happened. Here are some of the other goofy things that I rarely (or never) said before I had kids:

"Keep the crayons out of your ears."

"Get your toes out of your mouth."

"Get your elbow out of your cup."

"Get the animals out of the dinosaur."

"Don't throw the raisins."

"No kissing the trash can."

That last one is one of my favorites...