Wedding Plans

Tonight at the dinner table, Kaley announced that she is getting married. This sparked a lively discussion about wedding dresses, plans, etc.

I turned to Keira and asked her if she planned to get married when she grew up. She grinned slyly and said, "I already got married. TWO TIMES! AND, I have THREE BOYFRIENDS!!"

Kill The Wabbit

Today I got to say, "Kaley, take your bunny out of the microwave. We don't cook our pets."

Merry Christmas!

Money

We're planning a trip to the mall with Mémère to visit Santa tomorrow. The excitement is nearly too much for the girls to bear. Tonight at dinner, Keira started planning the details of the trip.

"Mommy, if I'm good at the mall tomorrow, can you and Mémère take me on one of the rides?"

I considered it, then replied, "Maybe, but not the trampoline."

"Why not the trampoline?"

"It's just too much money," I said.

She stared at me for a second, put on her best pensive look, then turned to look pitifully at her dad. Making herself both invisible and inaudible to me, she put her hand up beside her face and leaned toward him.

"Dad, can you please leave me some of YOUR money? You have rolls and rolls of it. I'd like the big stack, please."

Who's in charge, again?

Every night Keira comes up with more creative ways to avoid going to sleep. I rarely give in to her requests, but she can sometimes talk her dad into a sip of water or a spritz of air freshener in the room.

Tonight, she dropped her washcloth behind the bed (she likes to sleep with a washcloth next to her pillow in case she gets a runny nose - more of a security blanket situation than anything else). She called for her dad, and when he came in the room, she whispered very quietly to him:

"I have to tell you something, but mommy can't hear. This is what you're gonna do. You're gonna get my washcloth for me, then you're gonna get me something to drink in a couple minutes."

Little Daredevil

OK, it's not a funny quote or amusing anecdote, but I feel compelled to share. I have a feeling this little Kaley Knievel will be the death of me. For reference, besides her dad piping up half-way through her show and asking for a no-handed display, this was all her own idea.

(forgive the horrid mess of my work station in the corner)

Diggers

I came home this morning to find the girls and their mémère all squatted down behind the hedges. Keira was pulling weeds (yes, weeding is fun when you're 3), and Kaley was using a plastic shovel to diligently fill a plastic pail with dirt. I surveyed the resulting hole in the yard, sighed, and said, "Daddy's not going to be happy that you're digging in the yard again. He's told you before not to do that."

Keira turned to me, smiled, and said, "But, mommy, that's what we do. We're diggers."

Poetic

As we drove along the open road, a nearly full flaxen moon began making its appearance above the tops of the trees. Its subtle light grew gently brighter as it climbed higher into the sky. Wispy dark clouds, otherwise cloaked against the indigo sky, slowly crept in front of it and became softly illuminated at their lining.

I turned to see Keira's face as she watched the scene, wondering if she saw what I did: a natural allusion to a haunted movie. Her eyes darted toward mine, and with a sweet smile she said, "Mommy, it looks like the moon has a mustache."

Honesty

Moments after the third time I reminded Keira not to run in the kitchen, I heard her feet slapping against the kitchen floor again.

Me: "Keira, what did I just tell you?"

Keira: "Stay out of the kitchen."

Me: "Why were you running in there, then?"

Keira: "You weren't looking."

Morning Dew

On the days when my husband is off of work, he puts the girls in the car in their pajamas and takes them to McDonald's drive-through to get himself a cup of coffee. It's like a ritual. The girls love it.

Now that the weather is cooling off, the windows tend to be covered with dew in the mornings. Yesterday, Keira got settled into her seat, looked at the windows, and said, "Daddy, can you please get the skin off my window so I can see?"

Trick-Or-Treat

Halloween Phase I: Preparation

• Trudge through pallets of oddly-shaped pumpkins in a church parking lot in search of one worthy of becoming the family jack-o-lantern
• Explain to children that a 3" wide gourd is a great table decoration, but not qualified to be carved
• Prepare to carve pumpkin, then realize that your pumpkin knife is missing
• Go to store and buy new pumpkin knife
• Begin carving pumpkin, then remember why you had planned last year to delegate this task to your husband this time
• Vow to be a mere spectator at next year's carving
• Convince children that narrowing their costume ideas to 4 apiece is insufficient
• Demonstrate the concept of patience by assuring children several times per day that Halloween is not tonight
• Try in vain to convince children that cutting two holes in a white sheet is an excellent ghost costume
• Once children have gone at least 3 days without changing their minds about their costume of choice, scour the 50% off racks for something vaguely resembling said disguise
• Forget to buy coordinating accessories
• Somehow manipulate a shopping trip for tights and an eyepatch into a reward for good behavior
• Take 3-year-old to a seedy, poorly-stocked seasonal Halloween store in search of a pink eyepatch
• Buy black eyepatch
• Visit discount store to buy handout candy while repeatedly explaining to both children that this candy is for other children

Halloween Phase II: Execution

• Eat pizza with family
• Figure out a way to keep a pirate costume from "feeling scratchy"
• Wrestle a 23-month-old into tights and boots
• Try to keep hats on 2 excited children long enough to take a picture or two
• Arm children with pumpkin-shaped buckets and begin walking the neighborhood
• Pick up witch hat and place it back on child's head
• Straighten pirate hat
• Pick up witch hat again
• Show girls how to say "trick-or-treat" and remind them to say thank you
• Pick up witch hat again
• Try to snap candid pictures of kids in the dark, inadvertently triggering a good-natured photo war with brother-in-law
• Pick up witch hat again; give up and sneak hat into wagon
• Put pirate hat in wagon
• Finish collecting candy and come home
• When kids aren't looking, sneak half of their candy into the outgoing candy bowl

Halloween Phase III: Aftermath

• Herd children into the house
• Dump remaining candy onto dining room table and inspect each piece
• Allow each child two pieces of candy
• Discover that getting tights off of hyperactive children is nearly as difficult as getting them on in the first place
• Bathe children and prepare them for bed
• Upload pictures to computer to share with family and friends
• Notice that with only a little manipulation, a discarded witch costume on the dining room floor can make for a great Wizard-Of-Oz-like ending photo:

Jack-O-Lanterns

Getting ready for Halloween!

Direct Approach

I was walking through a clothing store today pushing Kaley in a cart. She was starting to get antsy, so I started showing her things on the racks to keep her occupied. Finally, I said, "Kaley, do you want to help mommy find a bra?"

She paused, looked excited, then said, "Yeah."

I started walking toward the lingerie section when she started yelling quite loudly, "Bra! Bra! Where are you? Bra!"

If only it worked that way!

Dinnerables

The following is an excerpt from a conversation that we had in the car today about what was for dinner.

Keira: "Daddy, what's for dinner?"

Daddy: "Probably tacos."

Keira: "I think we should have dinnerables."

Daddy: "You mean lunchables?"

Keira: "No, 'cause it's dinnertime."

Another One

Today I heard this line come out of my mouth as I was straightening up the kitchen:

"Kaley, come get your doggie out of the dishwasher."

Flying Raisins

Kids really do say the darnedest things, and I know I ought to write the stuff down. I also know myself, and I will never keep up with a paper journal. So I decided I should put it all into a new blog. THAT'S something I know I can maintain. My daughters are 3-1/2 (Keira) and 22 months (Kaley), so I need to start now while they still like hanging out with me.

A few months ago Kaley was sitting at the dining room table reading a book when I noticed her holding it oddly close to her face. When I looked more carefully, I noticed her tongue was pressed against the cover. Before I even realized it, I heard the words come out of my mouth as I reached over to put the book back down on the table.

"Don't lick the book."

By the time my brain caught up with my mouth, I couldn't stop giggling. I realized that my kids weren't the only ones who were saying silly things, so I started jotting them down when they happened. Here are some of the other goofy things that I rarely (or never) said before I had kids:

"Keep the crayons out of your ears."

"Get your toes out of your mouth."

"Get your elbow out of your cup."

"Get the animals out of the dinosaur."

"Don't throw the raisins."

"No kissing the trash can."

That last one is one of my favorites...