Time Out

Me: "Kaley, why did you get that time out?"

Kaley: "Because I drived you crazy?"

Gargamel

"Why is Gargamel so mean? He wants to make food out of the smurfs. Just leave the smurfs alone and do something else."

~ Kaley

Right Foot

Kaley: "Mommy, my right foot says it loves you very much."
Me: "Oh, that's really sweet."
Kaley: "Aww, now guess what it said! It said, 'You should take me and Kaley and the left foot to the park! Isn't that so sweet?'"

Control

"Mommy, you're pretty good at controlling Daddy, huh?"

~ Kaley

Girl Power

Kaley: "Did you know that girls have the power?"
Me: "The power to do what?"
Kaley: "To make boys do what we want."
Me: "And how exactly do we do that?"
Kaley: "We force them to."

Hurricane

Kaley: "Keira, how long does a hurricane last?"

Keira: "I think about 6 to 8 years."

Best Mommy Ever

"Mommy, can you believe there are other people out there who think that THEIR mommy is the best mommy ever? How could they say that to my lovely mommy?"

~ Kaley

Bugs

Me: "Kaley, try not to drop crumbs on the kitchen floor, or else we'll have bugs coming here to eat them."
Kaley: "How do they know the crumbs are there?"
Me: "They can smell the crumbs, and they follow the smell."
Kaley: "Oh, the smell is making them a map!"

Zombies

"Mommy, were zombies alive when the dinosaurs were here?"

~ Kaley

Rock Star

"Mommy, you should get a job being a rock star. I think Mem can watch us when you're at work."

~ Kaley

Sharks

"Honestly, Kaley, I am not sure if the sharks like your shoes."

Pounds

Keira: "Do you know what they call money in England?"
Kaley: "What?"

Keira: "Pounds."

Kaley: "Nuh-uh."

Keira: "Yes, they do." (in a surprisingly good British accent) "May I have 64 pounds, please?"

Kaley: "You're talking like Mexico?"

Keira: "No, I'm talking like England." (again, with the accent) "May I have 64 pounds, please?"

Kaley: "No, it's mine."

Husband

Kaley: "Mommy, I have a husband."

Me: "You do? Why didn't you invite me to the wedding?"

Kaley: "You were there, it's when I was doing ballet, remember?"

Me: "Oh, well, you didn't tell me that was your wedding."

Kaley: "Well, we got married when you weren't looking."

Me: "Is he a nice man?"

Kaley: "Yes, he's very nice.

Me: "Does he always tell the truth? That's very important."

Kaley: "Yes, he always tells the truth. And he's never tired after work, so he can always do the dishes."

Me: "Perfect."

Overheard

"Kaley, take the barrette out of your underwear."

~ Me

I'm Telling

"Kaley, if you tell on me one more time, I'm telling Mommy that you're being a tattletale."

~ Keira

Superheroes

Kaley: "Mommy, I want to be a superhero when I grow up."

Me: "OK. You can be Super Nina."

Kaley: "But how will I get to be super strong?"

Me: "Well, you eat healthy food, take your vitamins, and get lots of exercise."

Kaley: "Does that mean Daddy's a superhero because he is so strong?"

Me: "I suppose so. That would make him Super Dad."

Kaley: "I can't wait until he learns how to fly."

Clouds

Me: "Kaley, what do you think clouds are made out of?"

Kaley: "I think they're made out of squishiness."

Negotiations

Kaley: "Mommy, I want to go to Chili's."

Me: "That's not a nice way to ask for something."

Kaley: "How about this? If you don't take me to Chili's, then I'm going to go home, write your name on my doodle pad, and then put an X through it."

(pause)

Kaley: "I'm sorry, Mommy. Can we please go to Chili's?"

Make Believe

Kaley: "Mommy, I'm a doggy. Wanna know my name? You can spell it like this: M-A-O-R-L-S-T-E-R-F-L."

Me: "Oh, really? What does that spell?"

Kaley: "Spot."

Grown-Ups

Keira: "When I grow up, I'm going to have a lemonade stand."

Kaley: "When I grow up, I'm going to have a superhero cherry stand. I'm going to put on my cape, save all the cherries, and bring them back to my stand."

Africa

Kaley just walked into the living room with a few animals and a case full of bristle blocks. She said, "I'm going on vacation to Africa to get some cotton candy and ice cream. I'll be right back."

Laundry

I walked out of my bedroom just now and saw Kaley stretched out on the couch with her arms wrapped around a pile of clean laundry.

"What are you doing?"

"Holding on to these for Daddy."

I found Randy in the laundry room filling the washer, and I asked, "Why is Kaley holding the clothes?"

He said, "I told her to FOLD the clothes..."